Getting Real...

Alright Honeybees, I'm going to cut to the chase and I'm going to get "real" with you for a minute. This weekend I've been doing a whole lot of thinking. Thinking about my little blog, all of you, the way I present myself, etc. So many things have been swirling around in my head. Authenticity, competition, cattiness. "Girl hate" isn't anything new and it's a topic I've pretty much beaten to death on LCH, but it's a huge catalyst in this post. Likewise with the feeling of entitlement and my online life vs. offline. I like to keep things on here happy and upbeat. I like to share the good things in life and I want to be able to look back on this blog years from now and smile at my adventures and accomplishments (and cringe in embarrassment at 90% of what I wrote, much like I do now with my first entries!). But sometimes we need to cut the cotton candy schtick and speak from the heart. That's where this post comes in.


This wasn't premeditated. It's 11am on a Monday and I'm writing this as it comes through my head. Enough for the preface... my point is: Sometimes blogging is really cruel. Sometimes I feel like it's not worth it. Between the passive aggressive tweets between bloggers, the cliques and the armies, the competition that we all feel no matter where we stand on traffic, followers or sponsors, it gets old fast. That's not to say I'm not incredibly blessed to have each and every one of you who read my blog. Holy moly, I never in a million years would have imagined that I'd be in this position. I pinch myself daily. But lately I've found myself almost avoiding my blog because I feel like it's surrounded by "so much"... So much what? I'm not sure. 

I hate signing onto Twitter to see the passive aggressive battles between people, and then their followers/friends who honestly really have no business chiming in. A disagreement is often between two people, that's where it should be left. I don't chime in anywhere because I don't know the full story and those offending actions were not directed at me therefore it's not my place. Maybe it's a little hypocritical of me to talk about this here. It seems like I'm certainly "chiming in" now, doesn't it? I try not to pass judgement on people who decide to defend their friends, etc, but when my entire Twitter feed is nothing but passive aggressive attacks on people, I really just kind of want to unfollow everyone. People are alerting everyone of their mean comments, directing straight to the originator, and basically ganging up on them. Yes, it hurts to get a mean comment... but to expect the entire internet to explode over it is just dumb. I get mean comments from time to time. I simply don't post them. Why? Because I don't need anyone's help defending myself. In fact, I don't feel the need to defend myself at all. It's unfortunate that some people out there just won't like us, but that's reality. It took me a long time with this little blog to realize that we don't really need everyone's approval. But that's another thing...

The constant need for validation. Love it or hate it, we all blog for slightly narcissistic reasons. Yes, we can drape that in the idea that we're doing it for our future children or for our family members far away, and to an extent it may be true. But we all have selfish desires in there, too. The validating comments feel nice, don't they? Why is it that one little mean one gets everyone up in arms? I'll admit that I used to be much more likely to pay a single mean comment more attention than tens or hundreds of validating ones, and that's truly sad. So many of you take time out of your day to come by LCH and spread so much support and appreciation, and I was cheapening that by letting one little person get me upset. I obviously decided that needed to change. With outfit posts, wedding ideas and "courtesy of" wares, when does the line of authentic and "just doing it for stuff" (stuff being comments, praise or free items) meet? Feeling entitled to a sponsorship or free items is a regular thought in the blog world. Seeing someone with less traffic or followers land a sweet brand, you find yourself wondering "Why didn't they contact me?"... It's sick. It's so sick! It could be as simple as eliminating sponsorships all together or saying no to brands wanting to partner up, but would that really solve anything? And the sense of entitlement followed by the "She's copying me!" attitude. We all have ideas that we think are original. The truth of the matter is that they were inspired by something, somewhere. Trying to tear someone down for doing something similar to you won't get you anywhere. It'll simply make you look catty. It's about community, not competition! Let's build each other up! 

I love having the ability to work with brands that I admire and bringing you things I truly believe in. Be it by hosting a giveaway where one of you gets something awesome or sharing discount codes and awesome outfits. But this is a blog, not a billboard. I've worked with brands that I ended up absolutely despising. Why? Their attitude toward bloggers, readers, and just people in general. The lack of professionalism in their emails. A few have still made it to the blog and I've even gone so far as to delete the posts in hindsight. I will not, under any circumstances, promote a company that I am less than pleased with. I see other bloggers out there promoting liquor when they're pregnant, hot sauce (?!?! how is that relevant?!), dog food, etc. Things that are in no way related to their blogs. They are billboards. It's easy to fall into the hole of accepting every single sponsorship opportunity that comes your way, along with anything free that people want to send you. It's so easy to just say yes. But that's when we start to lose ourselves. The truly ironic thing about this post is that I have a few outfits scheduled that are 100% gifted from a brand. I toyed with the idea of deleting them entirely but these were items I was able to pick myself and style for a purpose: guest posting. I feel comfortable doing something like that because I actually put in some work for them. I'm not blindly shilling out things for the sake of shilling. But you may have a different opinion on that (and I invite you to share that below!).

If 75% of your outfit is "courtesy of" then are you staying true to yourself or are you simply an advertisement? I could go on and on about how some brands take advantage of bloggers but that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to point out certain things that I've come to realize I really cannot handle in the blogging world... or at least in my blogging world. It's so easy to compare yourself to others. Oh she has more followers, but she gets more traffic, oh she has all of these great sponsorships... why?! We end up only hurting ourselves. Blogging is such an amazing resource. You've got mothers, crafters, designers, business owners, corporate execs, etc. Someone out there will tickle your fancy for a certain subject or be able to answer your question in an instant. That's amazing! But are we doing it for the right reasons?

I see so many bloggers who seem to do certain things only for their personal gain. Be it chat someone up on Twitter, suck up and be all "buddy buddy" for the bragging rights, or to befriend another blogger so they may get some of their spotlight. It's awful to feel this way. To see things about people who you want so terribly to like. I can't quite make myself strive for that clique. I don't care if you have 2 followers, 2 million, or no blog at all. And so many bloggers are like that! So many are totally carefree about who you are or where you come from. They return your emails, they tweet back, and occasionally comment on your blog (I need to get better at that!). I realized this weekend that there are so many of you who make me a part of your day, you tweet at me, you support me in these silly juvenile competitions and you read about my often not-too-exciting day. But I know so little about you! I want to know all of you! If that's even possible! I want to know you because you bring joy into my days. Not because you have 10,000 blog followers on Google Reader. I don't want to be BFF with the ~Big Bloggers or the CEOs of the blogosphere. This isn't a post to say "Oh I'm so much better than all of those guys" (those guys being bloggers who get consumed by sponsors, followers, traffic, etc) because I've been there. I'm trying to pull myself out of that hole now. I just want to share things that I like and find other people that like them, too.

This entire post has been nothing but verbal diarrhea and I apologize. I'm not going to go back and edit it or weed out certain parts because this is 100% straight from my brain. An often jumbled and repetitive mess about my original point. I go off on tangents and I don't really form a complete thought. That's okay. I just wanted to share that sometimes I have a problem with blogging and sometimes I want to run as far away from it as possible. With that being said, I'm going to have scheduled posts for the rest of the week (yes, those outfits from LuLu*s to buy me some time!). I'm going to take this time to focus on design commissions, getting the Honeybean ready to pick up this weekend (I hope!), and giving myself some honest time to figure out what exactly it is I want to blog about. I don't want to be a 100% superficial blogger. Hence this post. Sometimes it's nice to know that the person behind the blog isn't a machine that churns out advertisements and statistics. A huge part of me is terrified to post this and I know I'll want to hit "delete" as soon as I hit "Publish" but sometimes it feels good to tell the truth. I hope this is one of those times! xo

Edited to add: I wanted to throw this in before anyone gets the wrong idea: When I wrote this, I was talking about myself. To a certain degree. I may not tweet my passive aggressions toward other bloggers, but I think them. And that's just as nasty. I've been running away from my blog for weeks now, abandoning personal posts for sponsored ones because it was "easy"... I've obsessed over numbers and traffic and things of that sort for far too long. This post was to bring myself to honesty. I said it in the post itself... I'm pulling myself out of that hole now. At least I'm trying. And if you've found yourself there then I urge you to do the same. Don't lose your voice because of anything trivial like this. If you've made a mistake in the past, don't dwell on it. Learn from it. Learn what is important to you and your blog, and then do that! I want to focus more on original content and less on shilling. I want to focus more on each of you as individuals, not a collective number.

149 comments:

  1. i'm glad you didn't delete this post and decided to hit 'publish.' i think blogging is something different for every single person, and i'm glad that you want to stay true to yourself.

    i've said it on my blog before, but i don't care if i've got 2 readers, or 2 million, i just want the people who are reading my blog to want to be there. and not just be a number.

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  2. I have nearly nothing to say but "WOW". You hit the nail right on the head, Kaelah. You really honestly, truly inspire me with your attitude and mind-set...it's like a breath of fresh air in the blogosphere. Thank you so much for that. ♥

    xo
    Maria
    First Impressions
    Flying Ships Vintage

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  3. Don't let it get you down. I really enjoy your blog and what you do with it. And I think you should just unfollow people on twitter if your feed is full of bs. You don't need to deal with drama that has nothing to do with you.

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  4. I decided pretty much from the get-go of Four Eyes Rella that it wasn't gonna be all billboardy and I wasn't gonna worry about who likes me and who doesn't.

    It certainly is tempting. I've only just started getting emails from a few companies. Luckily they were either for stuff I had no interest in (plus sized clothing companies that will only do giveaways in the USA? Um...no.) or stuff I REALLY LIKE so the choices I made were easy. You'll see a bunch of Tattoo Age posts, because I love the show and they send me press stuff every once in a while but that's basically it. And only because I truly believe in the show and want to promote it.

    Blogging is really stupid sometimes, isn't it? I almost feel like the reason I'm tempted to take the weird sponsor offers is to kind of justify my blog in real life. Like, "oh yeah, I get free stuff all the time" or something?

    Welp, this is a long pointless rambly comment. Take what you will from it I guess. haha

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  5. i'm also glad you posted this! one of my biggest reasons for blogging is to get to know people and for other people, hopefully, to get to know me. that's why i did those portraits, to show appreciation for you girls who i look up to! since i started reading your blog, i felt like you're a genuine person and someone who i would like to be friends with! you're a great person kaelah! you're a real person, not a billboard. and that's what makes you amazing! <3 xo. holly

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  6. SO well said! I've started to shy away from blogging and Twitter because of the cattiness that often ensues. I'm not on the receiving end of said cattiness, but it breaks my heart to see these other women act this way toward each other. We should be supportive of one another -- we're all in this together, no matter what our blogging intentions might be.

    Thanks for the refreshing dose of honesty that is so often lacking in the blogosphere!

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  7. Blogging is different for each one of us in my opinion. Some do it to let their distant family know about their news, others because they want to share what inspired them and others just because they want free stuff.
    Yes, we all feel like blogging is a 'duty' sometimes. «what am I going to blog today? what about tomorrow? oh I have no ideas», sometimes we end up loosing it a bit, I'm like that too, I confess. I think it's great we sit once in a while and think about that to realise which way we wanna go.
    This being said, I'm happy not only you didn't delete this post but also because you wrote it. Thanks for being a sort of 'wake-up call' for me so I can come back here when I feel lost and remind myself what my purpose is. Thank you!

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  8. I'm usually a lurker here, but felt I needed to comment to tell you "YES!"
    I often feel like many bloggers in my circles get sucked in my brands, promotions and often lose their own voice and their way.
    I think you have done a fabulous job of talking about these things that bug you (and others) without placing blame or putting anyone out there.
    I agree with you and Deanna- I don't care if my blog has zero readers- I blog for me. Like it or not, it's what I want to put out there.
    I'm glad you didn't delete this, but posted it instead. It's always nice to find out that other bloggers feel the same way as me.

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  9. Honesty is beautiful and I'm glad you shared your thoughts. I never understand when bloggers get catty or what not, but I'm a big fan of positivity, hence my being a fan of your blogging.

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  10. I have had those evil thoughts creep up on me before and agree that it can make one feel like they need to run away. That it is so easy to get consumed by the blogger world. Honestly, I have felt a little annoyed at times that LCH was starting to feel like an advertisement...I want to read about Kaelah!

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  11. I thoroughly enjoyed this post; it's just super relevant to stuff I've had to deal with and stuff I've seen explode over the internet.

    Although my blog was small at the time (and still is), I managed to get a few "hate" comments on it as soon as I linked it to my Facebook account. People are going to hate no matter what unfortunately. It wasn't even like the comment I left was constructive criticism; it was simply meant to hurt.

    That's when I realized that when I blog, I do it for myself. I don't accept sponsorship money because I'd rather to "trade-sies" and I haven't posted any giveaways. My audience isn't large enough to do this anyway. I use my blog and Twitter for professional things such as job applications and resumes; stuff like Facebook is left for friends only.

    It seems so simple, but learning social media etiquette is very difficult. It's so easy to say something but it's a lot harder to backtrack and emphasize what you really meant to say.

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  12. So glad you posted this. Not enough bloggers are honest about the blogging community. A lot of big bloggers pretend that there isn't any 'beef' between other bloggers, but.. there is. It's sad that things are like this, but it's the truth.
    I'm glad you are taking the time to re-evaluate your blogging goals.. it's something I think everyone needs to do!

    Love you AND your fab blog :)
    xo Haley

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  13. Three cheers to that! You are a gem and I enjoy all your posts, especially this one, speak on it sister! I <3 you little lady...even though I don't actually know you...you are one of a kind and that is pretty special :)

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  14. This post was quite simply amazing. Too many people in the blogosphere get caught up in everything, and don't see that isn't what blogging is about. For instance, a friend of mine (who doesn't have a blog) was at my house and I was showing her my site. I was all proud of the fact that my blog turns 4 years old this October (YAY!) and she was like "Wait... you've had it for FOUR years and you ONLY have just over one hundred followers..?" and she was really rude about it. I literally just looked at her said "Yeah. And my followers are all amazing people, simple as that!" It should not matter how much traffic you get, followers you have, comments you get, sponsors you have or "which internet famous blogger commented on your post." It's pretty ridiculous that people actually get hyped up about that. I'll admit at the beginning, being a typical sixteen year old starting out a blog, I WAS hyped up about it. But I soon realized that there are amazing people on here, and it really does not matter how many people know about their blog. I met one of my absolute best friends on here. I really liked reading this post, because it shows once again that you really care about your followers and the people that read your blog. That's what it's about. I can guarantee that you don't wish at 11:11 every night, on every wishbone, or on every shooting star, that you will get a thousand followers. But it happened, and you appreciate them. There's too many people that spend way too much time trying to get followers, and then just don't care about them, Thank you Kaelah, for being a wonderful blogger who is true to your readers, but most importantly, being true to yourself.

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  15. SOOO thankful you posted this, Kaelah. I agree with you 110%. My followers probably think I have one of the most sporadic blogs out there; but, like you, I blog for ME. If I want to blog pets, my Christianity, fashion, cratfs/diy, coupons, about my mom's death and how it effected me, I'm going to do it. Whether I have 5 followers, or 500, I just want to blog about what is real to me. Things IM passionate about etc. I have a handful of favorite blogs (you are one of them!) and I love your blog because you inspire me in so many ways. I smile every time I read about the honeybean because you are ambitious and making your dreams a reality. And sharing it with us! I LOVE when you post stuff about your furbabies because it's evident how much you love them. You are right, we shouldn't blog to impress others, we should just keep it real. Ugh, I for one can not stand cattiness and drama. Unfortunately it's everywhere BUT we can control how much we are involved in. Sadly Ive had to stop following people that were involved in daily drama. Keep doing what you are doing Kaelah. It's wonderful :)

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  16. I absolutely loved this post. I've been feeling the exact same way for a while, especially about the twitter cattiness and comparisons between so many bloggers. It's gotten to the point where I've stopped reading blogs for the past week, just to get back to focusing on doing what I love, without worrying about what anyone else is doing.

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  17. I think this post is really important, and I'm so glad you posted it. So many people are trying to become 'famous' off of blogging, when really, that's probably unrealistic. Having a blog is like having a journal. If you're not writing for yourself, people can tell--and it becomes annoying instead of sweet and sincere.

    I love reading your writings. I appreciate how genuine you are. I think there's a lot of honor in being who you want to be, despite what is popular or influential. Thank you for the beautiful way you express your individuality.

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  18. this is one of the best posts i've read in a while. i know exactly how you're feeling, it's like being in high school all over again. it's just sad to see these "adults" acting like toddlers. there is so much more to life and the blog world than who sponsors who and who gets what. if you think that's all blogging has to offer then you need to re-evaluate why your blogging to begin with.

    Kaelah i consider you a "bestie" and i enjoy reading your blog... you said what was on your mind now inhale, exhale and move on. you're to blessed to be stressed!!!

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  19. As someone who "blogs" solely to post a million pictures of my cats and things no one but people I know in real life. would give a rat's ass about, I have to say I'm on the side that thinks 900 sponsored posts and c/o ____ x5 on every outfit post is really f-ing obnoxious.

    I've been reading whatever you've been writing since Live Journal, and I read a lot of the blogs you've promoted and other circles of blogs simply because I'm nosy. I sit at a desk for 8 hours a day and I like to see what other girls in their 20's (or more, or less) are wearing/doing/what their homes are like/what projects they're working on, etc. It's interesting, and better yet it can be very inspiring. What I don't like to see is ~the super bloggers~, how much free shit they're getting for having hoards of girls telling them how pretty they are or how they have 30 sponsorships still available this month...if you want to make money off your blogging, cool, good for you, whatever but multiple ~SPONSOR MEEEEEE~ posts, really? And I'm NOT talking about you or anyone I've followed via you, just a general complaint...anyway... Sharing your life should be for those reasons you mentioned (staying in touch, self reflection) that now seem to fall by the wayside for monetary gain and some kind of internet popularity contest. It's so disingenuous and takes away from learning about the person you've become interested in reading about, which was what I had always assumed the point of a "blog" was.

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  20. Thanks so much for posting this. As a somewhat new blogger in this world, it's definitely easy to see through the type of bloggers that you mention. Keep it up!

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  21. I'm glad you posted your truth and didn't hit delete! I have been contemplating starting my own blog since I've found yours and others like it...from the outside, it really is amazing to find all these passionate, creative women bloggers sharing their ideas. But I also can too see the "negative" and that's why I've still been trying to decide if I should make the jump or not. But, reading posts like this make me say "Bravo!"--never be afraid to speak your truth, esp. on your own blog. Ultimately its your space and your voice...the others be damned! Keep up the awesome work girl!

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  22. kaelah,
    you know why everyone thinks youre awesome-because of posts like this. you are a real person, a real girl with real issues and true feelings. you're not trying to be anyone you're not or trying to show off to get anything from anyone, you just are...and thats why i love you. the ganging up on people has happened to all of us and it's really ridiculous and childish, especially when people have no clue what the story is. people getting involved in other people's business only makes them look like idiots, but they probably don't realize that...it seems like blogging has become one huge competition where it should just be a huge cohort of people who love similar creative things...i guess thats why certain people do click..about the "copying thing" i couldn't agree more, everything is influenced by everything else, and everyone copies from everyone, the sooner people get over it the better! i think people need to get back to the reason they started blogging in the first place, and to forget the fluff that comes along with being a "top blogger" it's about sharing your creativity with the world...you do it so well, and deserve every ounce of success it brings you..always remember that!

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  23. Thank you so much for this post Kaelah. You said pretty much everything I feel and think in regards to blogging. This post is why I enjoy your blog, and you as a person, so much.

    Somedays I think about how nice it would be to just delete my blog and not have to worry about it any more, but honestly, I have met some absolutely amazing people through it (you being one of them), so I continue to do it for that reason alone.

    Please don't ever stop being you. <3

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  24. Such a great post. Yes, the validation is nice and all, but first and foremost, I blog for myself. I write what interests me and if someone likes the posts I put out there, that's awesome.
    I think the best part of blogging is not cultivating relationships with brands but with other bloggers that share the same interests and ideals. If more bloggers thought that way, maybe their would be less cattiness.

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  25. My favorite bloggers are the authentic ones.

    You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Not every post is going to appeal to every reader.. and the ones who have something negative to say about it can go sit and spin.

    Blogging for me has been really therapeutic. If someone has something nasty to say (so far that hasn't been the case) I'll just send them the good vibes, because they obviously need some happiness in their life.

    Competition is fierce, but at the end of the day.. just be you and if people like you great, if they don't to hell with them.

    Ryan @ Thismustbetheplaceryan

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  26. It's completely normal to feel sort of "lost" when you're doing something daily like blogging or going to work. I know I've been feeling it too. Glad you shared this with us. I love that you keep your blog happy and positive. That's why I keep coming back, but every once in a while it's nice to hear you "confess" things to us as if we're friends.

    I absolutely hate when girls act like they are in competition with each other. It seems VERY juvenile to me. I joined the blog world to meet other women with the same interests as me, make friends with people I never would have met otherwise, and to be inspired and hopefully inspire someone in the process. It's been a great way to sort of hold myself accountable and for the most part I have met FANTASTIC friends out of it.

    Please don't stop doing what you're doing. You are an inspiration to all of us.

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  27. Great post Kaelah, I prefer the uncensored blog myself. Sometimes you just gotta say what's on your mind...I respect that!

    XO
    Lenore

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  28. To be perfectly honest (and I hope this doesn't come off as offensive), I feel like your blog has become exactly what you're criticizing in this post. And maybe that's why you wrote this. Sometimes I even feel like your twitter is spamming my feed with all of the ad-like tweets telling me I can get so much off if I sign up for this. Which I guess some people are thankful for, but there hasn't been much personal posts written lately. You kept saying you wanted it to stay that way (personal), but I keep waiting and its nothing but outfit posts and sponsorships. I hope you decide to turn it around now. Obviously you're going to keep sponsorships and yes probably keep getting free stuff and blogging about it, but I hope you throw in more personal things to balance it out a little better. I miss how Honeybee was, when I could really connect. It's mostly been like a robot churning out weekly themed posts. I feel really bad saying these things. Its hard for me to send this. I want to delete it, but as a reader I feel like you should hear this and not have everyone kissing your ass telling you you're the greatest and this post is so true (but not true about you). I know in a part of this post you called yourself out a little and it takes courage to take responsibility, but the real courage is going to be steering away from all of the influence that will change what your blog was meant to be.

    xoxo

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  29. Thank you for posting this Kaelah. It restores my faith in the blogging community and is what ultimately keeps me reading.

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  30. I'm really glad you posted this too! I think we all (at least, I know I do) think that the older we get the easier things will become or that people won't act menile and childish, but the sad truth is that they do, and we all struggle with doing the right thing and making the right decision.

    It's very honest of you to call of this stuff out and demand authenticity...if not of other bloggers, than of yourself.

    I respect that and I respect this post!
    keep it up!

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  31. I like what you have to say about twitter passive aggressive. The ones who have to have all their twitter followers get just as upset as they do over a negative comment. I also don't like it when bloggers have to drag their followers into their battles. You live and learn these things though, and hopefully this post will be taken to heart by those who need to hear it.

    I can't identify with it all since I really don't advertise on my blog unless it's something that I want to... and I surely don't tweet a whole lot... but this is a great post. I also don't stress about followers. I don't go out of my way to amass more so I don't get bent out of shape when my numbers rise or fall. Not to say I never did, because like you said blogging has some narcissistic twist to it, but I surely don't now and haven't for a while. I think somewhere about 7 months ago. I don't even blog as much as I used to. I have really had to let a lot of it go for the reasons you have stated here. My blog is a little side to my life... but not my life. :)

    Now I am rambling my thoughts... I just like for blogs to be true to the blogger. Thanks for posting this.

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  32. Hi Kaelah!

    You are so sweet & brave to post this! :) I'm glad you did! I nice to hear your honest thoughts about blogging and all that comes with it... You're a down-to-earth kind of girl, and that shows through, especially now. :)

    I hope you have a wonderful week! I can't wait to see your cute little "Honeybean" when she's done! I think a mobile shop is an amazing idea, and one I'm considering for myself in the future too! :D

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  33. oh kaelah this post is so thought provoking and honest and 100% true. On a smaller scale I have been having similar thoughts recently...becoming a bit disenchanted with blogging because of all the 'i'm leaving a pointless comment just so you will comment back' or 'follow me and i'll follow back' etc, and just losing sight of myself and others blogging simply because they want to blog. it shouldn't be a competition, or a chore...it should purely be because we want to write a post, or read a post for that matter.

    as always, you are an inspiration :-)
    x

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  34. I'm also glad you didn't delete this post and that you have the courage to demand authenticity.

    We all think (i know i do!) that when we get older things get easier or that we'll be prone to certain things, but we all sometimes get sucked into becoming what we've always fought against.

    I have mad respect for the fact that you notice what's going on and you're trying to fix that problem.

    Some people get caught up in wanting to be "blog famous" instead of just doing it for your friends or the people you meet.

    I'm obviously not "blog famous" and I've met some amazing people that I never would have met otherwise.

    Keep it up Kaelah! Doing the right thing for yourself is never easy but know that you have fans that support you!

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  35. I've probably visited your blog about 10 or so times but I've never "followed" you. However... after reading this, I have fallen in LOVE! Haha, well maybe not quite, but almost. Thank you for posting this. It is so honest and refreshing and I am going to follow you right now!

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  36. I like this post. I do notice these things in the blogging world and I have to admit that I'm not above all of them. As someone whose is busting my booty to start a small business it's hard for me to not feel jealous of "bigger bloggers" who seem to catch all the breaks. Of course they have worked hard to get where they are, and most of them create interesting content so that do deserve success. I try not to let that sense of jealousy get to me because I started blogging to have fun and make friends online. It was never my intention to make it big so I'm just going to enjoy the fun part of blogging.
    Although, it is annoying to see a fashion or style blogger wear tons of free clothes. It's not interesting if everyone is wearing the same free dress just because it was free! It kind of defeats the purpose of blogging about your style, and thats just silly. I've neve had the opportunity to wear free clothes on my blog so I can't be preachy or pretend I wouldn't accept them though.
    Everyone who blogs (weather they admit it or not) has their own moral or ethical line to balance and I'm glad that you chose to question yours for us to read. (just because it's an interesting thing to think about, not because I think you need to change anything!) I totally support your blog and wish you luck!

    Mackenzie

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  37. I'll admit, I've slipped an ad or two in my little blog to make a quick buck. They weren't entirely irrelevant, but I still cringe when I happen to read back through the entries. It's just not me, ya know?

    I can't relate to a lot of the cattiness you're experiencing. I've only gotten nasty comments two or three times, and I don't have a twitter account. But keep your head up and just keep doing what you're doing. Unfortunately, people will always be running their mouths.

    Let's just live our lives and let them do all the petty stuff, right? ;)

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  38. I really enjoyed this post. I think you are right, we all post for narcissistic reasons and we all want some kind of validation: be it in comments or visitors or what not. I only visit blogs that I truly enjoy and yours is definitely one of them. Bravo for your honesty.

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  39. You grabbed and kept my attention throughout this entry. I love how you are honest, because a lot of the times I have a hard time reading through blogs where people don't seem to be honest or wanting people to pat their back all the time to feel sorry for them. I don't get that. Anyway, when I can get a chance to, I do read through twitter and see your tweets. I don't have a lot of time to see all the bickering though. It is sad when it does happen because people seem to like to compete and seem better than others, which is another thing I don't get. I don't get the blogging world, but then again I tend to be more of an underdog in it, and I don't mind that. . .I just like being me. That is super amazing that you want to get to know your bloggers. So many times to be honest, I would follow a blog for a good year and a half or two (constantly leaving a kind comment) and receive NO feedback ever in return from them, and that bothered me. I always check out the blogs of people who write on mine and leave them a little comment if possible, especially if they are constantly leaving me comments.

    You have a LOAD of followers, so I am sure this will be difficult on you. Take your time and make sure you let people know if you have too many to repond to. Maybe you can set aside a certain amount of time for responding each day?

    Keep being you. That's what I enjoy about your blog.

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  40. Awesome. Just AWESOME! I'm so glad you posted this (and even more glad that I read it!) So many valid and true points for people to seriously think about. Myself included. Because while sometimes its really fun and nice to get freebies, some days I just don't have the time. I'm happy to be completely random and sporadic with my posts and if people read, great! If not, well, at least it's out of my head so I can fill that space with something else. :)

    Love your blog. Love this post. Loves to you! :)

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  41. I like reading your blog because it comes across as personal. Posts like this one are what make it that way. What I love about blogging is that you can meet people with similar interests that you never would have met in real life.
    Some bloggers feel like celebrities to me, somewhat untouchable, but it is clear that you consider yourself to be equal to your readers.
    So, thank you for being you and being real. And keep doing your thing!

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  42. Wow, this is such a great post. My humble little blog only has 103 followers and sometimes I wish I was sent a pretty dress to style but I have to remind myself when it comes down to it that I'm just here to be me like it or leave it.

    I am now even more happy I contacted you to design my logo... happy to know it's just a normal gal like myself with hopes and dreams!

    Love- Cookie Louise

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  43. It has been interesting watching this technological transition of business to the internet, where customers or patrons have no face (no physical face, I mean) and communications are derived from emails, comments, tweets, and other things. It's been around for a while, but there is still no actual established rules. Rules like the politeness in treating others, ignoring irrelevant and jealous things that other people write, things that would have only been thought before are now being written down because there are no repercussions. It's a social culture gone awry with people spouting things to a website and forgetting that there are actual people receiving everything good or bad.

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  44. I'm reading a lot of posts like this lately, and every one of them validates my choice to follow that blog - yours included. I love your outfit posts, and really don't care if it's all C/O.. I can tell it's still you! And you have a great style/personality that I can't get enough of.

    Love getting to come here and read every day! thanks for sticking to it!

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  45. This post was wonderful, I really appreciate your honesty and openness here. I couldn't agree with you more- if a blogger seems to be wearing 100% sponsored items I certainly wouldn't stop following, but generally try to comment on other cute outfits instead, especially vintage/handmade/thrifted items, to show my support for that rather than say something negative about sponsored items (although I'm certainly think that can be a great advantage for both bloggers and companies, esp small shops). I also really liked what you said about followers and the popularity. You really encouraged me as a "small" blogger because I certainly can get into the petty comparisons sometimes, even if only in my head. But in the end I like to think anyone, no matter what they're blogging about, is pretty awesome. you're practicing your writing, doing something creative, and sharing it with strangers, it takes guts and sure beats being a coach potato every evening! Thanks for sharing this & so much with us all the time! You rock! (and sorry for the book : )

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  46. I follow you for these posts not for the outfits. Thanks.

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  47. first off hats off to you for putting this into words that i think speak to alot of people out there. but 2nd don't ever apologize for anything, what you wrote was honest and true and you should never have to apologize for saying how you feel. emotions are what makes us who we are and we should never apologize for that! love this post!
    xo,
    cb

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  48. What an awesome post!!! So what i needed to read, sometimes i really wonder if blogging is worth it or not because of all the cons.

    You really write this in a way that helped me realize why i started blogging in the first place. So Thank you very very very much :)

    HUGS

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  49. Great post! I can relate when you say you spend alot of time reading blogs and comments but you don't really feel like you know someone. Now as a blogger I can also relate to keeping private things private and realize that others are doing the same as well. It also serves as a pleasant reminder to be more raw in my own blogging.

    Girl bashing is so prevelant in our society and it is no different on the internet. So in one ear and out the other. For one nasty anon commenter there are five people out there who are inspired by your blog. Easier said than done. Yes. But it doesn't matter what you do there will be critics. If you weren't experiencing success and putting yourself out there, there would be no critics.

    Also I love the brand sponsored posts. It broadens my horizons and introduces me to brands I was not aware of. Readers can tell when a blogger is in it for the freebies and endorse everything or if they are honest. No worries. You have proven yourself through your previous actions.

    Embrace the lovely ladies who are working their buns off and sharing it with the internets. Turn a cheek to those less delightful ones. And keep your head high!

    xoxo, erica
    hill vintage

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  50. This is a great post, especially for a newer blogger like me. I recently turned down a free product because it didn't fit the direction I wanted my blog to go in. I felt (and still do a bit) like such a snob. I only have a little over 200 followers, who am I to turn stuff down? This post makes me feel like I did the right thing, sticking to my guns and my vision. I have yet to get a negative comment but through reading posts like this I feel I will be better prepared to deal when it does happen. I love your blog and I hope you start to love it again soon too! Thanks for your honest thoughts & words ;)

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  51. what a great post, Kaelah.. thank you for hitting publish :)

    When I first started my blog I was so excited to reach out and say hi to other bloggers out there (most people say they love to hear from readers right on their page). I'm a bit weird and awkward in person so electronic introductions seemed like a great way to meet others doing what I thought would be fun to try. I'm a helpy-type so I figured there were others out there too who genuinely loved to hear from people who enjoy what they put out there.

    ...but as I quietly watched everything that goes on with twitter, comments, etc. I stopped reaching out and sending hello emails. What's the point, ya know.

    I don't have any free stuff to offer, I can't give anyone money or shwag... I don't want anything from anyone either.

    I can see how the nice folks in blogdom would be on the defensive when a random email from a stranger like me would appear but from my perspective, I don't have time for iMeanGirls.

    I love reading what you post because you're honest and real, even if sometimes the truth stings a bit. Sure it's great to put on your game face and smile through a post here and there-- the doom & gloom blogs got left back on Xanga about 10 years ago lol but there is a great group of genuine bloggers out there and I'm pretty sure I follow you all on bloglovin' ha ha ha

    xoxo becky

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  52. it was super brave of you to post this. i'll admit, i've been jealous of bloggers who have a ton of followers or have sponsers and whatnot, but to tell you the truth i've started to just post when i want and about what i want. even if that's weeks in between. have i lost followers because of it? yes. do i care? not so much.

    love your blog! you are super inspirational. smile girl.

    blog about you. keep it real. :)

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  53. i've followed a lot of "dressing up" blogs (as i call them) - and unfollowed them pretty fast... it's not so much the bitchiness b/c us readers don't see all of that, it's just that a lot of the bloggers out there are b o r i n g.
    i mean, bloggers inspire me, and when you're not inspiring - you're out of my feed.
    moreover, i seldom even read what you guys have to say (b/c not every girl that has nice dresses also has the gift of expressing herself verbally...)
    but your case is SO different! you interest me. at first it was just your look, but when i started reading what you had to say - it was interesting. and sweet. and smart.
    let me tell ya, i'm not american, and the whole "happy happy joy joy" vibe of the american blogsphere is annoying and super fake. but i don't get that from you - i believe you are just as sweet as honey. you're a optimist, but in a nice compelling way. you really do cheer me up.
    i'm happy for you that you had the guts to write that and act accordingly.
    i wish us all many more wonderful posts together :)

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  54. This is such an honest post, and I admire that. Kudos for staying true to yourself! xo

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  55. This is such an honest post, and I admire that. Kudos for staying true to yourself! xo

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  56. Thanks for being real! I appreciate this post. Have a blessed week!

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  57. Wow, it does not happen very often to read such honest posts on someone's blog. I'm glad you wrote and published this - because I think what you're saying is true. A personal blog should be all fun in the first place - fun for yourself and your readers - but sometimes it can be so hard to stay focused on that, especially with all the competition and everything.
    I really hope many other bloggers read your post and take it to their heart...
    Thanks for sharing, Kaelah!

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  58. Thanks for posting this! I was having a little trouble myself and reading this really helped. You basically nailed all those issues really well. Drama gets old, attention seeking gets annoying and nasty messages can get under you skin but sometimes you just have to look in another direction to make what you do (blogging/creating what have you)feel great again.

    -Amber P.

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  59. I love the honesty in this post. I still consider myself to be pretty new at this blogging stuff. But I have felt many of the emotions you describe in your post. I'm glad to know its normal. Whenever I get those feelings I try to remind myself that it is not that serious. Just blog if it makes me happy, if it doesnt then I will stop. But sometimes the feelings still creep up.

    I am so glad you wrote this post. Your blog is great and this post has made it even better because now i know there is a real live person behind it not a fake one. ;)

    keep your head up!

    -Shellsea

    Love, Shellsea Blog - Giveaway today

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  60. hum, i didn't realize "coutesy of" meant it didn't belong to the person showing the dress/skirt/shirt etc. that's disappointing me right now. didn't give it much thought before.

    anyways... you're so right! and i like you for that <3

    katja

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  61. I love this. Tweeted it to my peeps. I just recently discovered your blog and I love how genuine you are. Thank you for coming clean, being honest, and choosing to improve yourself... I totally admire that! I'm a baby blogger and just now starting to be contacted by companies... the pressure can be stressful. I'm trying to take things day by day and just be grateful for what I have, and trying not to let anyone take advantage of me! I do hope we get to know each other better because, well, you're just so damn cool!

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  62. I really appreciate how honest you were in this post and that's what keeps me coming back to your blog. It's not about how many followers or how "famous" you are or any of the "hype". It's about you,as a person and I think blogs should reflect on that,if that makes any sense. Don't keep up with anyone's high school-ish ways,and if you don't like what someone has to say,then simply unfollow. It's as simple as that. Just stay true to YOURSELF,Kaelah that's all I'm saying. :)

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  63. AMEN SISTER.

    im sending you an email :)
    xo Moorea

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  64. The main thing that has kept me from blogging more is insecurity. I struggle with it (just owning who I am, what I believe, and living out loud), because I'm always like "No one wants to read this crap, I don't want to seem narcissistic, my blog isn't as good as so-and-so's." It sucks because I love to write. But it really shouldn't matter. With people, you tend to focus on the ONE THING you did wrong, or the ONE negative comment someone sent you vs. all of the good. I'm not sure why that is.

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  65. I love this post. You hit the nail on the head on certain topics.
    I also love that you learn from your experiences and share them, example being this post.

    Keep pushing forward and continuing to grow is always good. But it is even better that you are conscious about what is going on behind the scenes and really taking time to analyze your own blog. Progress is always good.

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  66. This post brought tears to my eyes. I really wish for some girl love out there. For people to think of something good to post instead of saying something bad just to be heard. Just to say ANYTHING. I deleted many of my twitter contacts for the same reason: I want to read good stuff. I want my life to be rich. To be filled with positivity.

    I wish for more bloggers to stay closer together without the unhealthy kind of competitiveness. For heaven´s sake, let´s be an inspiration to each other, not living hell on earth.

    You are great for putting yourself out there the way you do.

    Love,

    Natalie

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  67. This post brought tears to my eyes. I really wish for some girl love out there. For people to think of something good to post instead of saying something bad just to be heard. Just to say ANYTHING. I deleted many of my twitter contacts for the same reason: I want to read good stuff. I want my life to be rich. To be filled with positivity.

    I wish for more bloggers to stay closer together without the unhealthy kind of competitiveness. For heaven´s sake, let´s be an inspiration to each other, not living hell on earth.

    You are great for putting yourself out there the way you do.

    Love,

    Natalie

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  68. I am a first time reader, found you through Elycia.
    I applaud your honesty and your integrity behind this post. Instead of giving up altogether, you point blank told everyone how you feel on a sensitive matter. Facing the crowd was a good idea. I struggle with blogging on a daily basis because I fear all of these things you have mentioned. I have learned to just blog for myself, and if someone wants to leave a comment, I welcome it. I don't let that be the entire reason behind blogging. It reminds me all too much of when Myspace was relevant and anytime someone posted a photo it was for the attention and comments only, so then it became a constant battle of 'who has the best photos up and the most interesting profile'. SILLY! We have to learn to let go. Live for ourselves. I'm glad you're openly expressing how you feel, because it helps me understand that I'm not the only one going through those kinds of thoughts.

    A good mental break will allow you to relax your mind and make decisions to help you in a better direction! Good luck!

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  69. lots of truth in this. ive been blogging for a little over a year and i've recently felt like i'm hitting a wall with it. i LOVE it completely, but it's easy to feel like you don't measure up. i really would like to be able to make a living doing this (and etsy of course), and seeing that it's somewhat possible is inspiring, but when you don't get there and you try and try, it's hard. i'm realizing i'm going to have to invest money and buy ad spaces, but even still, it may not happen. i have to remember that i blog because i enjoy it just for me, and i love looking back at it. but there is definitely competition! there are so many talented and beautiful women out there! its just hard to stand out.

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  70. hey kealah! what an inspiring post..even me, that i am new to this blogging-thing, already can relate to some the things you wrote about. and your are right...blogging should just be about the "you and me" and not the hunt for better statistics or anything like that!
    i liked your blog from the start and now i even more know why!:)

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  71. Thanks so much for posting this - very timely for me. I was the target of a recent bout of passive-aggression and it led me totally baffled. It was the first time I've encountered negativity in this here blogosphere (still new to it) but you're so right, people can get really catty, and I catch myself thinking really bitchy passive-aggressive thoughts from time to time.

    I like what you said about focusing on individuals...that warms my heart a bit. And I also like that this post isn't blamey or finger-pointy...it's a come to Jesus that we all could use. <3 So thanks for being who you are and doing what you do. I hope to get to know you better.

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  72. I seriously loved this. I would have loved to have this myself but dare I say, afraid to?

    It's hilarious that all these "big bloggers" act like they want to be everyones friend but you're right, they only respond to other big bloggers. Didn't we all start with 0 followers?

    I wrote a little post today more on the topic of finding myself in my blog and letting go of what I think other people want on it. Its for me. By me. I need to keep it that way.

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  73. I think this was a great post. As a newbie blogger, with a very tiny following, I can look ahead to see what I might be up against. Hopefully I'll be able to follow some more positive footsteps, like your own, and not lose myself in the process of blogging.

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  74. For sooo long I was super bummed that my blog numbers were so low. Then when they went up for whatever reason (like to more than my 5 RL friends) I was bummed that I wasn't getting comments (not even from my friends lol). I would also get bummed when my numbers would drop, even when the majority of the time it was sue to my lack of blogging.

    I think I've reached a point where I'm over this. You see the fact is that whoever reads this may or may not come back (hopefully they do ;]) but my voice is heard no matter what. It's heard because I read while I write these things and these thoughts turn to real words. I have yet to keep consistent and put a whole bunch of "me" into my blog, but I think I've come a long way.

    I've unfollowed bloggers that I really used to like for many of the reasons you discussed in this post. Except that the things you are saying you are guilty of were very apparent in their posts where in your posts I believe they are not.

    I have believed from the get-go of me adding you to my favorite reads that you are 100% genuine. You have even responded back to a few of my tweets that I've sent and I know you get billions of those.

    I have to say that I'm truly sorry that the blogging/social network world has gotten you down and caused you to shy away. I hope these feelings change for you. I'm sure there are tons of readers that's agree with everything I've said. You're been an inspiration and I cannot wait to read about you feeling re-energized and feeling your spunky and awesome self again!

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  75. You are beyond fantastic, girl. I hope you feel a whole lot better getting all this off your mind/chest. We're all here for ya and we love you! You are a honest, beautiful soul.

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  76. I have to admit, this is the first post in a while I have read all the way through, rather than skimming. And I don't just mean on your blog, on all the sponsored blogs I read in general. I like that you want to hold yourself accountable and I like that you want to be real and honest. I know I have a tiny little blog, but if even a couple of people read it and it says something to them, then thats cool. Thanks for being you.

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  77. The fact you write stuff like this, something that is completely genuine is one of the reasons I read your blog nearly every day. I'm so glad you decided to publish it instead of letting it sit and stew, something I've done a couple of times in the past (and am trying not to do again).

    I hope having a couple of days helps you out, but when you're back I cannot wait to hear about the Honeybean xo

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  78. This was the sweetest post ever, your honesty is wonderful<3

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  79. It is hard to avoid getting sucked in I suppose, I like to think I don't get affected by how many followers I have, or y stats for the day and how many comments ive got, but I do worry about these things!! I try to keep my posts about what I'm interested in, and often I will worry about posting something that I'm proud of because I think it won't get many views because people won't be interested...but at the end of the day I have to try and be true to myself and post about what I love :)

    I hope you're able to get your blog to the balance of content you are happy with. Good luck!!

    Kc

    http://a-sparkley-silver-lining.blogspot.com/

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  80. Everyone has already said what needs to be said in regards to your post. But one more won't hurt! I just want to thank you for this incredibly honest post. I've been in this world for just over a year and I'm still moseying along with little traffic and little followers. Sometimes I find myself caught up in the whole stats side, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter too much to me. And you just proved that it shouldn't. At times I look at great big blogs, like yours and some others, and think 'my I wish I could do something that great one day'. And sure, jealousy or envy will creep up a bit. But I guess that's much the same as a little bit of style envy over a killer outfit some lady is wearing IRL.

    Anyway, one of the reasons I have been reading this blog of yours for over a year is because you post things like this! You are so real, with real opinions, real dreams and sometimes even real troubles. I like to read about how you pick yourself up and deal with them because your attitude towards positivity (spesh with that 30 Day Detox Series) is just so contagious! With that said, looking forward to the next post! :)

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  81. You said it - we all blog for different reasons. I'm glad you blog. I read it each day, and it diverts me (in a good way!) and inspires me. I won't say 'I know how you feel' because how could I? I'm not you. But we all experience self-doubt, anxiety, and worry, especially because each blog post is like a little boat of your thoughts and emotions that you set sail each time you hit publish (that's how it feels for me, sorry for the rubbish metaphor). Anyone can read it, and it's part of you! That's some scary sh*t! xxxx

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  82. This is a great post.... i'm glad it's still here and you didn't delete it. I have only been blogging for about two months but I am already picking up on what you are talking about (comments on twitter.... people commenting on my blog... yadda yadda) and it makes me really sad. I also sometimes feel those thoughts creeping up.... that I *need* more followers and someday I really *want* sponsors and all that crap. But really.... I love my blog and I look forward to the mornings when I write my posts. It makes me happy and I'm terrified that someday it will turn in to more of a job and a way to "get somewhere" instead of just being another way to express my creativity. I loved this post because it made me realize that no blogger is perfect and neither am I. We all have our flaws and traps and negatives. We need to learn to stay true to ourselves. :) <3 <3 Stay awesome, K. -- Sea Marie

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  83. I love the how real this post is. You made a lot of points that I defiently am seeing in the online world.

    I just want to let you know that you are a beautiful person, and I hope you don't stop blogging because I love reading!

    Mila

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  84. Kaelah, Ive always thought you were awesome, and real for that matter, but this post has just confirmed this ten fold, go you! If we all took this approach to blogging, it would be the world we wished it to be xx

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  85. I don't usually comment on blogs, but I really enjoyed this particular entry. I read a variety of different blogs (the majority of which are about art, but a few are about fashion), and the things you've pointed out are the things that always make me turn my nose up as an outsider. Fashion and style bloggers paint such a glamourous portrait of their lives, they often gloss over the unpleasantries, and honestly it can feel a bit like a trite highschool sitcom. "Oh look! Here we are with our BFFS looking ADORABLE drinking 10$ mixed drinkies!" "And here we are, with our pug, Emily Dickenson, walking in the park!", and then occasionally whine that their readers just assume that their lives are perfect. I'm glad you're thinking about what's wrong in the blogging world and actually have the courage to say something, instead of just taking it like so many bloggers seem to do. Believe me, the Twitter fights and passive aggressive commentary aren't limited to fashion blogs, its pretty prevalent in comic blogs as well. In any arena where there's a high chance of it becoming a popularity contest, I suppose there'll always be social climbing and backbiting, but I'm glad you've got the back bone to take a stand.

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  86. I like your post...and it is true for many bloggers. The whole popularity contests and hating going on.

    I blog for me. I write about my interests, what I like, what I do and my thoughts. If no one likes it. They can lump it. I have been blogging for over 11 years and I have been there and done all of that...the drama. One day I just decided that I am doing all this for me and only me. I don't care what folks think. I don't do it to be popular. I rarely get comments on my blog and it doesn't bother me at all. I still write.

    So, you "go girl" say what you feel. I think it's great!

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  87. Kudos to you for speaking your mind! I often wondered how it was for the "cool kid" bloggers out there (my blog's only in its infancy and I want it more for a creative outlet than for popularity). I read a lot of blogs and I've noticed the kind of things you talk about. Bloggers who name drop other bloggers all the time (and some of the popular blogs I don't even find to be anything great), bloggers who rely more on their sponsors and less on original or quality content--the blog world's kind of a strange place. The flip side of that coin is that you get to choose your place in that world and make it what you want. It's nice to see that you have the presence of mind to realize that. :)

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  88. You made lots of great points. It's funny, I only have a tiny smattering of blog followers too, yet I've had people who repeatedly make a point of coming to my site to say hurtful things, and that's easy to dwell on. But I still enjoy posting because I like meeting new people - even if it is only "virtually". I tend to be really shy in real life and have a hard time getting to know people. Blogging gives me a chance to be me and make new friends who appreciate that.

    I'm glad that I've escaped seeing much cattiness -- maybe because I'm not a big/popular blogger. So I've been lucky that the interactions I've had have been very positive ones. Hopefully it continues that way.

    I really admire you, your business, and your site. I think you have a lot of great blog-followers who are kind, good people -- hopefully that helps to make up for the negative sides of blogging.

    - Mandi
    www.lifeinbeta.com

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  89. I read this and it gave me a boost thinking about all of the nice comments I get.
    Then shortly after I got a whole blog post written about me on another girls blog, I feel incredibly crap now and it makes me want to stop blogging.

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  90. I love your honesty. I have been thinking about exactly that for a little while now and I'm glad you posted this and didn't delete it. It's so easy (for me) to get off track, and I've been really sad to see the way things go in blog world sometimes, but I am so glad you put all of that out there. I love that you're staying true to yourself. :)

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  91. I just want to say thank you for this post. Thank YOU.

    Every single word you said I could relate to. I could FEEL in my bones and in my heart.

    I'll be honest, I've been a little annoyed with these bloggers that are just a billboard for a brand. Post after post after post of 100% courtsey of items. I know that many sponsored bloggers do choose what they want from a store...but many of the bloggers that I've been a little bit put off lately by are bloggers that started off with goodwill as their main resource. I miss the creativity of wearing an oversize skirt or jacket as a dress or wearing a scarf as a cardgian. I promise, I'm not talking about you here, but I'm looking for inspiration in the blogging world and when I can't afford expensive outfits that were given to a blogger, it takes a bit of the fun away when you can't say, "WOW! You found this item at goodwill and did THIS with it!?!?"

    You know!?!?

    That being said, I love you as a blogger. You have always seemed to be as genuine and fresh. And I love your honesty.

    Thank you for this post <3

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  92. Great post :) And you couldn't have said it better! I think everyone falls victim to the same things ; I often find myself going 'oh why do they have more followers than me, its not even original content' or something similar.. thats when you have to bring yourself back down to earth and realise you should be blogging for yourself, rather than to please others. But thats the thing; Its always so easy to spot a genuine blogger vs one who has sold their soul to the blogger sponsor devil (dont worry, I think youre genuine haha).
    I havent really got into the whole twitter thing but I just find it frustrating to see people commenting insincere things on other peoples posts.. like if someones posting their outfit and someone posts "nice xo *link to blog*" .. I just dont get the point of it!
    But yes, blogging really is different for everyone.. Im like you, i like to keep my personal life separate. Only few people in my life know about my blog and I want to keep it that way. The more you feel like you have to edit yourself due to worrying about your 'audience' the more difficult blogging becomes!

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  93. You, my friend, are real. And I love it. It's so true that blogging has evolved, but the thing that had gotten me started in the first place was simply the whole idea of sharing a part of yourself and connecting with people who have similar minds and tastes as you. Thank you for putting this up, I know it must have been gutsy, but I really do see that you are an honest person... so thanks for pointing out what we've all pretty much been pondering over as well.
    <3 Linda

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  94. im proud to say my blog is 'ad free'. I find the Australian blogging community is not as 'clique orientated' or 'sponsor me'. It's really only just getting started. A few blogs (US) ones ive been following lately have started to have more advertising, more sponsored posts on them and it just turns me off reading them!! go you!

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  95. Awesome post, Kaelah - well, WELL said. I admire your honesty, lady. <3

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  96. i love your honesty in this post. you said the things that i've been scared to say, or have thought myself at times, about the blogging world and getting consumed in the numbers, views, and cliques. it's not fun! one of the reasons why i enjoy your blog so much is because you are genuine. because your personality shines through and its not all about ads and pleasing other people and stuff. <3 you inspire me!

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  97. Reading this post makes me feel like you are the blogger I think u are. Not that MY opinion matters, I just see other bloggers who I've asked questions, or contacted and they never seem to care about anything i have asked/contacted/etc. You are seriously one of my fav bloggers, I might not comment a lot and that is only because I'm terrible at commenting but I'll work on it like u said in the post. You seem like you really care, and someone I can relate too. I really admire the person you are and all u have accomplished and I wish u the best in everything you do.. so don't let people get you down and keep on doing what you love! because your readers love you! :)

    Best Wishes,
    Ana

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  98. It's really nice to see someone confront the issues of the blogosphere head-on. I think we all fall into those traps and mind games from time to time. I've been fortunate enough to not really encounter the cruelty yet, but I do often have times when I stress over the numbers or my reasons for blogging. I'm so glad you wrote this post, as it's so nice to just step back and take a critical look at everything sometimes.

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  99. This post made me love you even more, Kaelah. I'm so glad you decided to publish it and I can resonate with a lot of what you said here.

    I've considered quitting blogging a few times lately for many of these reasons. When you start feeling bad about yourself because your blog isn't as 'successful' as others, it's time to think about why you're really doing it.

    Thank you for this! :)

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  100. Loved this post. The 'politics' of blogging can get me down sometimes, but I try not to let it distract me from the fact that it's an amazing resource!

    Cxx

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  101. A very thoughtful, and real, post!

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  102. These truth posts are one of the reasons I follow and look up to you! I think you are a beautiful girl, but also an honest one. I really appreciate that!

    And these are the thoughts that keep me going...

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  103. Continue to be strong and write more personal post I guess? ^_^ I like your photoshoot =)

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  104. Im so glad you posted this! Its hard on the internet world to be "real". I love reading your blog because I don't feel like you are fake or trying to be someone you're not. Its great reading a blog and feeling like you know the person and not the persona. I love that you have an opinion and share it, while so many out there are trying to get more numbers by staying bias. You are always gonna have the ones who leave comments on your posts with just a link to their site and nothing else. But for the most part your readers care about what you have to say.
    xoxo

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  105. This was refreshing to read.

    I get overwhelmed by all things Internet sometimes and want to give up altogether. However, then I remember all of the friends who I communicate with primarily through places like this and decide it is worth sticking around.

    But that is the difference, isn't it? To blog and participate in social networks, to encourage and promote and create friendship. Not discourage, compete, and complain.

    I really liked this post. You seem like such a genuine person and I love that. Keep blogging honestly like this. It holds us all accountable as much as it does you. Plus, it is just so nice to see someone be "real." :)

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  106. What you have to say is never verbal diarrhea on here. The point of a blog is to be you and speak your mind! Keep on Keepin on.

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  107. This is a beautiful post, Kaelah - thanks for being so honest.

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  108. I really admire you for posting this, Kaelah! I read here a lot and admire you as a person. I've felt really discouraged by blogging lately too. I've met some wonderful ladies on here, but at the same time. It can be a discouraging place if you let it overwhelm you. I was sick last week and didn't get on blogger at all and I thought it was funny that I didn't even miss it!
    Anyway all that to say that this was really encouraging. Thank you for sharing this with everyone!

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  109. I loved reading this. I've gone through a realization like this recently too. I kept comparing my blog to other blogs that get more traffic or are newer, but then I realized that I don't like the tactics that those bloggers used to get their blog where it is. I don't want to be like them so I certainly should not be comparing my blog to theirs.

    I recently purged my feed reader and now I only subscribe to blogs that I enjoy that are written by blogger that I truly admire. I removed blogs that I didn't have enthusiasm about but felt like I had to read to keep up with the community or blogs that I was comparing myself to in a negative way. Just that change has helped my attitude towards my own blog.

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  110. Love that you're not afraid to say this.

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  111. Thank you so much for posting this. I clicked over from busybeelauren. I really appreciate your words! I didn't even know "famous blogs" existed until shortly after I started my own blog. Prior to entering the blogging world for myself, I would read my friends blogs and thought they were such a wonderful way to keep in touch! Then, when I discovered "famous blogs" I felt so intimidated by the beautiful designs, fantastic outfits, and thousands of followers. Thank you for reminding me that my simple, little blog is good enough and is just right for me! As a reader I have often questioned "Why am I following this blog" Do I support what the writer supports? Do they inspire me to do better, be better? Are they kind? Allowing these questions to guide what I choose to follow has been so helpful! And has allowed me to not feel intimidated by bloggers with tons of followers! Thanks for sharing your perspective! It was refreshing.

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  112. I had never visited your blog until I saw Lauren from Busy Bee Lauren post about it. Even as an extremely small blogger I've seen and experienced a few of these things. Not even having looked through pasts post I am adding you to my google reader. I really appreciated your honesty.

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  113. Well hello, friend of my favorite (only) daughter! My blog is foolish - I only post once a month now, and I get way less comments than I used to when I posted regularly! But to be perfectly honest, I only blog because I love the comment thing, so if the comments go away, so will my blog! Ha!

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  114. 1st time I read your blog.. An all I can say is WOW well said!

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  115. Thank you for posting this. Seriously, what a fantastically brave entry. I've followed a lot of my fave lil' blogs for years and watched them fall into this trap, and it's a complete bummer.

    Hearing women who have creatively inspired me tear each other down, or start to become complete walking billboards kind of becomes insulting to their readers. Granted it's their life, and they choose to share it with us, and who can blame them for needing to make a career out of their gifts, we certainly don't have to look if it bothers us.

    I just get all gung-ho girl power proud of seeing women with a voice, their own voice, pushing and encouraging each other to have just as strong of a creative zest for life, whether they're a single mom sitting behind that computer, or a fellow blogger with a bajillion readers. The possibilities are infinite, it's the internet, and no one can possibly replace the beauty that is you.

    Your blog is awesome, you are hella rad, and I adore every little peek you share with us!

    Stay true to your heart. Fuck the rest. =)

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  116. I found your post from Lauren. I just wanted to say thank you. I have just lately been considering why I blog and I've found myself getting caught up in thinking of ways to increase traffic on my blog. Then I decided something. I don't care. I started my blog for me, and I want it to stay that way. I don't care if it's not the most popular blog out there. I don't care if I don't have sponsors or a huge "following". I don't even like that word. It sounds egotistical. I want to blog for me, and if I happen to inspire someone along the way, then I'm glad! If I get a nice comment, yes it does make me feel good, but it's not what I NEED to make me happy. I want to live life because I love living it, not because I want to blog about it.

    So, yeah, thanks :)

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  117. Wow. This was such a wonderfully genuine and honest post. Thank you.

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  118. you are awesome, i have been feeling this so much and its been upsetting me so so much. xox.

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  119. well, you hit that one spot on kaylah. i hope a lot of people read this, i for one and am going to share it on my blog as i think you really hit the nail on the head with this. thank you for sharing and thank you for not being afraid to post this!! you're awesome.

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  120. All I can say is THANK YOU for not deleting this post. This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately and I'm so glad someone has finally said something. I definitely agree that blogging is about community and it's so sad to see it turn into a giant cat fight.
    again, thank you so so much.

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  121. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for posting this! I'm visiting from Busy Bee Lauren, and your words were so freeing! I need to STOP comparing myself to others, stop worshiping stats and such, stop pining for sponsorship. Just blog for the love of blogging! I feel empowered. Thank you.

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  122. Is it sad that these are some of the reasons I haven't tried to make as many connections with people through the blog world? I never know what people's intentions are, and I feel like people are always questioning mine. Thanks for being real, and making me feel a little better to know not everyone is crazy.

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  123. “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”-Dr. Seuss

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  124. k~
    blogging can be hard..and you addressed it from such a great standpoint, especially since you do have many followers.. when it can be the most difficult to be totally honest (; love your post for this reason alone! it is refreshing to go to blogs that aren't giveaways constantly.. i would much rather get more of the person behind the blog than just giveaways all the time.. and 100% appreciate people who occasionally will answer comments you leave, so often i will comment and ask something specific to the post and never get any answer.. i know some blogs get huge (obviously) but i don't know if always ignoring your readers is the purpose, just because you're big and they don't float your boat in some way.. you never respond.. what is that? bottom line. great post, and your blog is super cute!!

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  125. I love this, I love this, I love this, I LOVE THIS!!!

    I 100% agree with everything you said. THIS is why you're blog will always be one of my very favourites!

    Keep doing what you do sweet Kaelah. You are so inspiring.

    Katie x

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  126. @tiffany- i think for most people who blog pretty regularly or get a hefty amount of comments, it simply boils down to just forgetting to reply. i moderate my comments & do a batch "publish all" when i see i have some. i read them at that point and often there's some disconnect of time between publishing and getting back to my computer/blog so i forget to respond. that and most people don't subscribe to comments so i'm not even sure they'll come back to see the answer.

    if someone has a question for me that requires an answer, especially if it's time sensitive, i prefer they tweet at me or ask on the facebook page :) that way it's directly there and they're notified on my response! :) i try to respond to questions i get be it in the comments or visiting they're blog to leave it, but sometimes it's just really hard to keep up! :)

    i know what you mean by bigger bloggers not really responding though because i actually see it a lot. i'll tweet at one of them or something and they won't even respond to me. which is fine, because i immediately unfollow/stop reading their blog. no amount of readers is an excuse to ignore people :)

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  127. k~ so sweet, thanks for responding! i did email you when i specifically wanted to say hi and tell you i had found you, enjoyed your blog, etc.. and of course you emailed right back (:
    i like your policy that if a blogger is so big they don't even respond (ever) to you via tweet or fb, or blog that you move along & or not follow.. it's refreshing to hear other people remembering that at the end of the day ignoring people is not exactly cool (;
    loving following you getting your little trailer, can't wait to see more and what you do with it!!
    www.wanderingairstream.com

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  128. I rarely read your blog, but someone flagged this as a "must read," & I'm so glad I paid attention. I actually posted a somewhat similar rant this week on my four-year "blogiversary" about some of the negativity & attacking from the blogging "community." I don't even like that word community to begin with, with relations to blogging - it's what some people want, crave, build, but not me. I blog to write, & if I offend, I offend. So be it.

    Because my blog isn't a niche blog (crafting, mommyblogging, fitness, fashion, whatever), I rarely am offered sponsorship opportunities, & sometimes I get to feeling crummy about it. Hey, I want free stuff, too! Hey, I want all those readers, too! But then I remember: I'm here to WRITE. Not to write promotions or reviews or giveaways. To write what's in my HEAD, not on some PR person's agenda.

    My post, while only tangentially related (I addressed mostly bloggers who are offended by Every. Little. Thing.) is here, if you're interested: http://www.suburbansweetheart.com/2011/08/i-may-be-jerk-but-at-least-i-brought.html

    Thanks again for speaking your piece. It's refreshing to hear bloggers, especially popular ones, deviate from the cutesy or crafty & get real for a minute. I love this.

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  129. Beautiful. Just beautiful. I started up a food blog recently (like a week ago) and I NEEDED to hear this so thank you!!! It's only been a week and I already get that competition mentality which is scary to me and something I don't like. The timing for reading this is spot on. I will be keeping this post in a bookmark and referring back to it time and time again for encouragement. Again, thank you :) You are doing an amazing job...

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  130. You may have think you spoke for yourself only but I can totally relate a bit of myself in everything you said specially regarding the stats, followers and comparing myself to others. Just recently I decided to start all over again to bring out the voice that I lost in and it felt great to do so. I applaud you for not being "sugarcandy" about this subject and say what you mean. I like bloggers who are REAL.

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  131. Wow, I am really glad you decided to publish this. You are so right in all of these things. Blogs are designed to put our own thoughts into text. I am a somewhat new blogger and I kind of hate it when I see a blog full of advertisements and brand posts. I love diversity. I love it when bloggers mix their life, with their findings and inspirations. It is okay to blog about great products at times, but only because you like them and have somethings great to say about them. Not because you're getting payed for it.
    I am happy to see you have decided to turn this around a bit. Your blog is beautiful and you are such an interesting and creative person to read! I would honestly hate seeing more blogging about products and sponsors than about yourself!

    Great post and lovely blog.

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  132. I think this was great of you to write. I completely understand. I don't have tons of followers or some kind of huge show over at my place, but besides one week in June I haven't blogged since January and I just don't even care. Blogging is too time consuming and I got tired of talking about myself. Good luck with all that you're doing. I can't wait to see you selling around town!

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  133. I'm really happy that you posted this. I'm new to blogging and have already found myself becoming OBSESSED with the number of my subscribers (4 - I probably shouldn't have admitted that - LOL) and other blogs, etc. While blogging does have a percentage of a "look at me" mentality, it's also a nice release. I work at an INSANELY boring job and I just like the outlet to write down my thoughts and share my projects/ideas. While I highly doubt I'd ever have the opportunity to become more commercial, I truly hope that I can remember why I started in the first place.

    So...blah, blah, blah...THANKS!! :)

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  134. I'm glad someone said these things. I've been looking for this. For me, I'm still figuring out what to write about. I've got a post planned for later on that talks a bit about starting out, maybe you'll check it out, maybe you won't.

    One thing I've been thinking for a long time is, 'Yeah, I could put together an amazing outfit and look flawless if I had all of those designer and expensive clothes to work with and money from sponsorships coming in to buy myself a nicer lens or some new makeup." I think anyone could. I'm sick of reading blog posts where almost the entire outfit is gifted from a sponsor. I think it's sort of inspiring that anyone who blogs can achieve that, and yes I would love to get sponsorship, but being a billboard shouldn't be anyone's goal. There are bigger-name bloggers out there and to me, they aren't interesting. It's not interesting to me to see someone who is perfect all the time. I like the interesting girls, the girls who thrift and the girls who remix and the girls who post about their dogs or the cookies they made.

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  135. I just came across your blog today, and I've been lurking all morning. I love it.

    This post is so perfect. I have unfollowed and unfriended a few people that fall into one or more of these categories.

    Kudos to you.

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  136. Thank you for this post! I think your completely right. I've been an avid blog reader for a really but never read a post like yours.

    I'll be first to admit I get slightly jealous seeing c/o of this and that but I think blogging should be about your own point of you not what the sponsors what your readers to think.

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  137. Thank you for writing this post. Is it bad that as a budding blog I get jealous of the lovely blogs I'm addicted to? I get frustrated and wish more from myself; why don't have i have her great style, why doesn't my blog have that look or feel? I'm slowly accepting that I need to be authentically myself. And this post, the one you just wrote, is so valuable for newbie bloggers to read, thank you for sharing that obsessing over the frivolous stuff isn't important. I hope to continue to grow and have fun building a community of followers and friends and trust myself.

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  138. Lovely post. My blog isn't nearly as followed as yours but in my corner of the world, for what it is, it still gets readership enough that I have snarky comments like ones you are talking about and the cattiness has made me run away from even reading a lot of blogs related to my business (hence, my finding yours!)

    I don't have any idea when my blog became my BLOG, know what I mean? It should still be fun and I shouldn't feel guilty about how I want to run it. I hope you keep running yours the way YOU want to run it.

    I rambled. Woops.

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  139. I'm glad you posted this one. You made some important points.
    I blog for me, because I need a place to just let everything out. I am so far from my family and people that I know I can talk to and just be me, and the Army wants everyone to kind of be a certain way, that I use my blog for the ramblings of me. Sure I want people to read and respond... but I've spent most of my time reading other blogs and their comments and I find myself thinking that if people are going to be that rude then I don't think there is a point to want other people's opinion.
    I absolutely adore your blog. Its such a joy to read. You're honest and I love your attitude and just your posts in general. :)

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  140. This was nice.. I often feel like so many girls have it together with their blogging that there is no point in me even trying. I don't even understand graphic design, I don't understand sponsorships & giveaways entirely.. but I do love to share my thoughts, inspirations, ect.

    It's just nice to know you're indeed a robot who runs on mode:perfect always. <3

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  141. This relected so much about how I feel craft blogging..I have to say craft bloggisng because generally they are the only ones I read.

    Only thing I would add is never apologise for your thoughts. your piece was not written out of spite or to hurt anyone so you have nothing to apologise for.

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  143. Randomly came across this. Love it. I love the community aspect of blogging. That is exactly why I begun blogging...before blogging I did xanga :-) I miss being in the art department and people not thinking I'm crazy for repeating over and over how BEAUTIFUL the ___(fill in the blank)___ is and all the colors, neutrals, and shapes. :-)

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  144. This is such an eye opener. You may say that this post is just for yourself but it truly speaks to so many of us (your readers). Look at all of the comments you have agreeing with you! This makes me want to remain the funny, stupid, goofy blogger that I think I am and to not worry about sponsors or viewers. This post really has reinforced what kind of person I want to be in the blogging world. Thank you.

    - Julia http://jajajules.blogspot.com

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  145. I'm totally baffled by the online world, honestly, sometimes. I have a small, fairly successful vintage shop on Etsy and only about 500 followers on Twitter as well as a small blog with no followers that I never update. I read a few ladies' blogs and follow them on Twitter. I've even commented on a couple of blogs. Not one has replied to a comment or followed me back on Twitter. I find it lame to selectively choose who you're (meaning anyone) going to follow back as readers of your blog or who you're going to reply to and it honestly makes me want to not read/follow them anymore, as juvenile as that is. It leaves me feeing bereft, like I'm not cool enough for the very people I support. It also just makes me feel bad about myself, which is the opposite of what online communities are about, right? I understand that bloggers get hundreds of comments/tweets a day and can't reply to all, but it takes two seconds out of their lives. Young women in the blogosphere make it out like doing the social media/online thing is one big slumber party where everyone is welcome and anyone can do great. It's just not true and it rings insincere.

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HEY! Thanks for dropping by. xo KB